Dialogue vs. Discussion
Have you ever sat in a meeting where everyone is busy giving
their point of view and trying to prove why they are right?
Where no one is actually listening or trying to understand other
individuals’ points of view. The alternative meeting format is
where everyone listens to and agrees with the meeting leader. No
one contributes or adds ideas, they are just compliant.
In my experience most meeting are either one or the other. But
when you think about it, what is the point of most meetings?
Meetings are usually held to make decisions. The outcome that
most people would want from the meeting is that the BEST
decision is made, not that any decision is made, or another
sub-committee is formed but that a decision that delivers
results is made. Then we move on.
So as we hustle from meeting to meeting being very busy,
achieving nothing in the way of measurable results, we land up
with yet another sub-committee. All because we have lost the art
of dialogue. So, the question is; what is the difference between
dialogue and discussion?
DISCUSSION - Discussion is the way that most people communicate.
During discussion we present our ideas and everyone analyzes and
dissects them from their different points of view. The purpose
of discussion, though, it to make sure you win, or that your
point of view is the one that is accepted. During the discussion
you will support your idea and give your points more strongly
until, eventually, others agree with you. You want to prove that
you are right, and the most knowledgeable, as does everyone else
in the discussion. Great! With everyone trying to win the
argument, no decision is ever made and we eventually need to
form a sub-committee to decide. Or the CEO, or team leader, uses
his or her divine autocratic right and decides for the team.
DIALOGUE - Dialogue on the other hand is an exploration of
ideas. It is not a new form of communication but is the way the
ancient Greeks and many so called ‘primitive’ societies are seen
to explore ideas. During dialogue everyone works together
contributing towards the idea. Remember the team is greater than
the sum of the parts; therefore more is achieved from the
dialogue as each person’s ideas add to the last. In a dialogue
no one is trying to win. They are trying to learn and create.
They suspend their individual assumptions and explore ideas and
issues. It is a free flow of ideas where participants continue
to think and watch themselves think. The great physicists
Heisenberg, Pauli, Einstein and Bohr described the conversations
they had with each other. As we know from history their
conversations (dialogue) changed traditional physics because
what they could achieve as a group exceeded what each could do
as individuals. Interesting? So who is ‘primitive’ now?
How do you get your team to dialogue? There are 3 conditions
needed: •everyone must suspend their assumptions. Dialogue comes
to a grinding halt when someone digs in their heels and says
“this is the way”. They need to suspend their assumptions to
really see where the truth lies. Suspending ones assumptions is
not easy, as often they are so deep seated that we don’t even
know that they are assumptions! Instead, we take them for being
the truth. •team members must be thought of as colleagues and
equals. If you manage to think of others as colleagues you will
interact as colleagues. Team members will feel less vulnerable
and less likely to either want to dominate the discussion or not
say anything at all. Thinking of everyone as colleagues can be
difficult in a hierarchical workplace environment. Can an
individual in authority come down from their lofty position and
talk to everyone else as an equal or do they like their elevated
position and pontificate wildly? •there should be a facilitator.
A facilitator can help ensure that ALL assumptions are
suspended. This means questioning statements and beliefs as they
are mentioned. They are also important in keeping the dialogue
moving. As a team gets better at dialogue the needs for a
facilitator is reduced.
You are closer to achieving dialogue when your team meetings are
filled with questions. Questions indicate an attempt at
understanding. Sit back in your next meeting and see how often a
question is asked. No questions = no dialogue.
Teams can enter dialogue if everyone knows what is expected of
them in advance and if they truly want the results created
through dialogue. Dialogue is playful conversation and everyone
must be willing to play with new ideas. Who says you can’t have
fun and grow at the same time?
I hope you can achieve dialogue in your teams. Since we became
aware of the difference and have been trying to practice
dialogue we have really had some amazing insights into our
business and what we do. We have achieved a whole level of new
understandings.
Who knows, maybe there is something amazing that your company
could achieve if you all just put your heads together. 1 + 1 = 3
makes a lot of sense!
